If you’ve been serving in ministry, even for a short time, you’ve probably had someone leave.

It’s an awful experience. Sitting down with someone you’ve journeyed with, invested in and empowered, and they tell you they’re leaving and why is enough to keep you up at night. It did for me.

There are all sorts of feelings to be felt.

Disappointment, knowing something wasn’t working, and it couldn’t be fixed.

Frustration, because they couldn’t see what you saw in the big picture.

Bitterness, letting the situation turn your heart against that person.

I’ve sat across the table, been mischaracterized and called all sorts of names. I’ve also had to sit across the table and learn hard truths about my perception of our ministry and my own leadership.

People leaving is a gut punch that can send you into a dark place. You can give in to the bitterness and frustration. You can build a false reality where you’re right, and they’re wrong. You can even try to reverse engineer their decision and develop a solution to prevent people from leaving for similar reasons.

Or you can listen. The reality is that regardless of their reason for leaving, the best thing you can do is listen.

Listen to understand, not to respond.

Listen to learn hard truths about the reality of your ministry.

Listen, because you love them.

Yeah, love is a big part of it. If you’re not leading relationally, love won’t be in the equation – that’s likely where things started to go wrong.

If you’ve invested in someone, walked with them and seen them grow, you can rest assured that they’ll be empowered wherever God leads them.

You’re not perfect, and chances are you aren’t crushing it the way you think you are in your head. That was true for me. I needed the reality check, to be told what was working and what wasn’t.

Time and trusted counsel will give you the perspective you need to grow and move on. Maybe you were right. Maybe they were right.

When people leave, you can listen, respond by growing as a leader, and celebrate a win for the Kingdom.